my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
