so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
