you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
