those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
