i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize