are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
