we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
