He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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