If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize