u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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