new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
