perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I could fuck to npr.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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