she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
