I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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