my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
