I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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