I want to have your abortion
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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