A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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