my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
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