i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
