Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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