She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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