so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
