Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
