I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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