she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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