Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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