If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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