I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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