He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
