why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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