ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
