just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
