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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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