Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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