Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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