and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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