why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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