when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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