I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
