i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
