i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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