Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Randomize
Follow @tfln