yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The air was thick with penises
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
