to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
