Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
