i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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