I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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