I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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