Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
