What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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