Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
