I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
