Betty ford says i'm here all night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
