Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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