I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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