Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
