Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize