I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
