i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
