I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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