He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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