Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
