"it" just moved
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
