But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
