We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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