Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
