you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
