I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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