He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
