I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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