So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
