Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
