If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
