The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
